As I open a wardrobe full of clothes - perhaps even overfilled - I proposed the inevitable statement: I have absolutely nothing to wear... I need new clothes (insert sympathy here). On days like this, I make a beeline for a white tee as the ideal styling foundation. Unfortunately all my white tees are inconveniently preoccupied in my washer, ridding themselves of summer sweat stains (I perspire so profusely it's medically fascinating). In this case, I opt for the next best unpretentious, trusty upper body piece; say ahoy to the breton shirt! As much as I'd love to werq this french-navy striped top as well as the likes of Taylor Tomasi-Hill, or Alexa Chung in her dopey dungaree-cut-offs paired with those long ass legs, I'd have to settle for an alternate updated spin, something a bit more nautical that can persuade even the biggest of boat-haters to sing an old sea shanty. There's no better time than now to strip off and stripe on! Here, I went for an oversized, extra large men's breton shirt since Sacai ones were sold out, with some obligatory white denim trows that's basically now remarried to this top. Then, we swing on a red purse with foulard accoutrement, in case we ever feel like turning that into a sweat band that conveniently masquerades as a bandana. Next, the novelty footwear which comes in a Sicilian-printed canvas material in the form of a humble low-heel. But the accessory swag award surprisingly does not go to the cat-eyed skull-floral trimmed shades or the novelty shoe, but to the starry number here on my wrist which, like many of my accessories masquerades itself as something else. As for this instance, what may seem like a piece of designer jewelry, once undone, instantly reveals its true identity: a modern mini-medieval mace. Fear me as I swing this spiky-mace bracelet (macelet) as I make my way through the crowds. Protect the children! Alright, alright... I've apparently digressed way off from the nautical theme I initially tried to stick to, but I still feel I'm ready to sail the high seas in this confusing ensemble. Just imagine having me on board... not being able to tell the difference between port and starboard, consuming all the emergency rations for no reason, whilst unpredictably flinging my macelet at the captain. #AbandonShip!